Tag Archives: St Patrick’s Athletic F.C.

The Pervert’s Guide to Modern Fiction and The Stinging Fly


A fiction of mine, entitled, The Pervert’s Guide to Modern Fiction, will be in the summer edition of The Stinging Fly!

More info available here –


Have you ever wondered about modern fiction?

And, like me, have you ever suspected that there’s something not quite right with it , that you just can’t put your finger on?

The journalist Mrs Pimple has done  the research.

So Neo –  are you going to take the red pill or the blue pill?


Take the red pill and read Mrs Pimple’s Pervert’s Guide to Modern Fiction in this summer’s The Stinging Fly. Out now.

The question is –

eyes popping


Can you handle the truth?




Paco’s Poem on Tuesday – Even Better than Ice Cream.


Title: Even Better than Ice Cream.

Saint Patrick’s Athletic 2 Sligo Rovers 0.

We won the league.

At long last.


This feels so good.

Even better than eating ice cream in

the Phoenix Park in summer.

I thought my head exploded

when we scored the second goal.

But it didn’t.

My throat is hoarse.

My bones are dog-tired.

I’ll be swimming in the trophy

this Friday at the Derry match.

Then I must rest.


(Written by Paco aged seven and three quarters on 13th October 2013  from the centre circle of Richmond Park after the match  while eating ice cream. I couldn’t resist! What do you think I am – a monk?).

Paco’s Poem on Tuesday – I’m Not Bat Chain Pulling Your Leg

Paco’s Poem on Tuesday.


Tittle: I’m Not Bat Chain Pulling Your Leg

Bray Wanderers 1 Saint Patrick’s Athletic 3.

I wasn’t in Bray on the night.

I was at a literary evening in Trim, County Meath –

Boyne Berries everywhere reading poetry and



My best friend Connie-Wonnie

from school updated me with texts throughout the

evening.  I sneaked a look every time a goal was scored.

Screamed silently.


I’m giving up cake until

the end of the season. I’ll make that

sacrifice for Pats, my team.


The Pats fans had a banner up at the match

Connie Wonnie told me – Fast and Bulbous

– and also a tin teardrop.

That’s what supporting Pats is like.

From Captain Beefheart’s  Trout Mask Replica album.

Pat fans have the best mind-licking taste in music

in the world – by a mile and three quarters.

And I swear I’m not bat chain pulling your leg on this

one ladies and gentlemen.

I swear. Even though I’m not allowed.


We’re still on top.

Four games to go go go go go gooooooooooo!


(Written by Paco aged seven and three quarters on 26th September 2013 in Trim, County Meath, eating smarties and listening to my uncle Eric reading a strange story in public).

Paco’s Poem on Tuesday – Hello From The Moon.

Paco’s Poem on Tuesday


Title: Hello From The Moon.


St Patrick’s Athletic 2 Dundalk 0.

 Yes -we’re top of the league.

We scored two goals

a big number 2.

Something solid to build on.


I jumped over the moon at full time and the only

ouch this week was when I hit my head on

M1 in Cancer, the crab nebula – making those

neutron stars spin even faster at its centre.


The Pats fans unfurled a banner before the match

which read –

Come Out and Play –

a reference to The Offspring’s

punk song from 1994 entitled

Come Out and Play (Keep ‘em Separated) –

It did what it said on the tin:

Three points separate the two teams.


Five games left.

More turbulence to come  for sure –

our first title since 1999?

In my first season as a Pat’s fan?

I’m afraid to even dream.


I can’t stop now.

Only poetry can help make it all

come true.

Until next week

Toodle ooh.


(Written by Paco aged seven and a half on  20th September 2012 standing on the moon, looking down on Richmond Park and singing When the Saints Go Marching In quite loudly, scarf in the air).

Paco’s Poem on Tuesday: One Known Pleasure.


The Daily prompt was –

Write a story about yourself from the perspective of an object, thing, animal, or another person.


Paco’s Poem on Tuesday


 Title: One Known Pleasure

Saint Patrick’s Athletic 0 Shamrock Rovers 2.

 Out of the cup at the quarter final stage.

It felt like a giant hammer coming down

on my head.

I ouched out loud.

We were never going to get  to two cup finals in a row



The Pats fans had a banner up which read-

One Known Pleasure –

a play on the Joy Division album title

from the early 1980s,

showing their indie cool and intelligence

like meself.

It would look great on a red T-shirt.


I’ve seen the best minds of my generation destroyed by

Madness, Ginsberg wrote.

They must have been Pats fans.


(Written by Paco aged seven and a half on Friday 13th September, 2013 in Richmond Park, slightly stunned and queuing for sausage and chips afterwards, heavy on the mayo; my fortnightly treat).

Paco’s Poem on Tuesday – Blue Monday.


Title:  Blue Monday (on a Tuesday).

Sligo Rovers 0 Saint Patrick’s Athletic 0.

Still top of the league

but level on points now

with my dead great grandfather’s

favourite team, Dundalk.

A terrible result.

I feel like Joy Division

when Ian Curtis died.

But New Order rose from the ashes

of Joy Division and released Blue Monday

a stonker of the higheest order.

All Pats need to do now is to have

six stonkers before the end of the season

and hey presto!

Happy days  indeed.


(Written by Paco aged seven and a half in the silence and contemplation of writing feck feck feck into his copybook 10,000 times until the pain was all made better ).



Paco’s Poem on Tuesday (on a Wesdnesday) -Derry City-ing Pretty on top of the world.


Title: Derry City-ing Pretty on top of the world.

Derry City 0 Saint Patrick’s Athletic 1.


A goal in  two minutes.

Poetry in motion. Dedicated to Seamus

Heaney for the week and city that’s in it.

Then lots of good passing and excellent dribbling.

No big number two though.

A result with a big splash nevertheless.

Pats go top again.



(Written by Paco aged seven and a half on 3rd September 2013 (who was allowed to stay up until ten!) after watching the game on Setanta and jumping around the living room like popping toast for ages afterwards).